basically so i can remember this...read this this morning and just good timing.

Consider this admonition from the author of Hebrews:  "Let us run the race that is before us and never give up"(Hebrews 12:1).
 
          Had golf existed in the New Testament era, I'm sure the writers would have spoken of mulligans and foot wedges, but it didn't, so they wrote about running.  The word race is from the Greek agon, from which we get the word agony.  The Christian's race is not a jog but rather a demanding and grueling, sometimes agonizing race.  It takes a massive effort to finish strong.
 
Likely you've noticed that many don't?  Surely you've observed there are many on the side of the trail?  They used to be running.  There was a time when they kept the pace.  But then weariness set in.  They didn't think the run would be this tough.  Or they were discouraged by a bump and doubted by a fellow runner.  Whatever the reason, they don't run anymore.  They may be Christians.  They may come to church.  They may put a buck in the plate and warm a pew, but their hearts aren't in the race.  They retired before their time.  Unless something changes, their best work will have been their first work, and they will finish with a whimper.
 
By contrast, Jesus' best work was his final work, and his strongest step was his last step.  Our Master is the classic example of one who endured.  The writer of Hebrews goes on to say that Jesus "held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him" (v.3).  The Bible says Jesus "held on," implying that Jesus could have "let go."  The runner could have given up, sat down, gone home.  He could have quit the race.  But he didn't.  "He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him."
 
                                                             From Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

I have plenty of friends, I know.

But some days I just get so desperate for more. Like friends friends. Ones I can actually hang out with.

Selfish? Maybe. But this is my life at 11:25 on a saturday night.

One year ago, Abilene. I miss it. More than I can comprehend right now. Its way weird. Im being dramatic. I know. Ignore it.

Al Gore is talking about the earth melting on TV right now. Annoying.

Mango Hard Punch tastes like pomegranite. Not mangos.

I have had the sudden urge to skateboard lately. Even though I dont know how.

Sleep is over rated. Literally. Starbucks expects their employers to be awake for the world in the middle of the night, therefore they owe the 3 workers there a free breakfast sandwich.

Im humbug on christmas because the US skips over my favorite holiday: Thanksgiving. So thank you commercial america.

I get upset too easily. Sometimes laugh too hard. Over analyze life. Think continuously. Am honestly content with life, somewhat. Wait by the phone. Want more hugs. Miss my mom. Wear socks at all times, minus summer. Easily readable.

Thats my brain right now at 11:33

so I finally saw an author speak who i personally admire. Even though I have never known him or met him, the way he writes is just incredible. His boldness and pure encouragement in a subtle not so encouraging way, really makes me analyze life.

anyways, tonight one thing stuck out to me. Yes he said so many things that I could go on and on about, but this one thing I have never thought about. He talked about all those Christian books that when you read then the main point is "you can be who God intended you to be!" stuff like that. Well biblically the way God intended us to be is something that we can not physically be after the fall of adam and eve. God created adam and eve naked. He created them naked on earth to praise Him alone and name the animals. He created them naked and not knowing that they were naked. so really if I wanted to be everything God intended for me to be when He created the human race, I would be running around naked, loving God and praising Him 24/7.

Now please dont try to picture me naked. its just a point to be made. I dunno, its just really interesting. Our lives were meant to be so so much more than what we can even put our mind around. and thats big stuff to think about. Life is not meaningless.

in peru, machu picchu is considered the great lost city of the incas. you can see this city from a peak in the mountains and i have heard it is one of the most incredible sites on the planet. there are a couple of ways to get to this city. you can take a bus and go the 6 hour scenic route. Or, you can hike across the mountains. the reason the incas made people hike across the mountains to get there was so that when they finally reached their destination after days of dirty, sweaty, smelly, tiring, hurting, hiking, they could stand at the top of that peak and fully appreciate and embrace everything they see. 

 its the same exact way in our lives. God sends use through all this conflict and stress and just crap that way when we overcome it, we can stand over our lives and embrace it. we can learn from it. we can appreciate life more because we have overcome conflict. whatever the conflict is. God isnt sitting there laughing and treating us like puppets trying to figure out how to tangle our strings next.

mmm im still working on that essay work thing. if it comes out like im planning, im gonna be really excited. Im learning so much in life. it just sucks that there arent many people to appreciate a good talk or conversation. people just dont have the time these days to embrace life, and they need to. cuz life is moving fast and before we know it, its gonna be gone and you could look at your life and be disappointed.

i dont want to be disappointed.

ive made alot of new friends in the past couple of weeks. im actually feeling like im in college now. im 21. have my own place. school. work. bills. responsiblity. random peoples houses making concoctions of who knows what. no money. scary as all get out. 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. stressful like none other. but totally worth every bit.

im behind. ive been being a jerk, in ways. to some people. and i dont know why. im stressed. and im letting it get to me and come out on people. these philosophies i write about on here are only so easy to live out. until you just get burned out. then what are you supposed to do. you want to talk about it but theres noone around to talk to. or call. or text. there is..but theres not at the same time. its like sometimes the longing to just talk is so overwhelming, it shouldnt be. but when there isnt anyone really physically here to talk to, its tough. for me, not for other people. i just wish sometimes i could just talk. about anything that happens to come into my head, with no strings attached. with nooone getting mad at anyone or judging anything or anything. i realize im talking about talking alot. thats sad i know. but im just blabbing cuz its friday, gorgeous outside, and im in an empty apartment. but i love this apartment.

everyones got stuff wrong with them. when the world figures that out, it will be a better place.

lets talk.

best friend, youre great. i fall alot, fail alot. i just hope you know how much you mean to me, and others. shoot for the heavens kiddo. the stars will be thrown in..

good song..

Three in the morning, and I’m still awake
So I picked up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I’d say
If we were face to face
I’d tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

Last time we spoke you said you were hurting
And I felt your pain in my heart
I want to tell you that I keep on praying
That love will find you where you are
I know cause I’ve already been there
So please hear these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re going to do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would Say…

from one simple life to another
I will say… come find peace in the Father
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
And thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say

im working on something pretty fun. based on a book by donald miller of course. hes talking about how life is a story. pretty much what you make of it. well i thought this piece to be rather helpful. pretty short and sweet:

'as soon as you point to a horizon, life no longer feels meaningless.'

yea thats short and maybe you would need more context but i think you can pretty much figure it out on your own ya know. heres a picture i like to think of...just imagine a sunset. as gorgeous as it is, sometimes you just wanna know what its like to reach it. its so far off in the distance yet it looks so attainable. not only would the journey to get there be long and tiring, but the view and the experience you got out of it would be incredible.
yea walking into the sun would never happen, but sunsets always get to me. theyre just too beautiful to pass up.

but its that horizon. you know its there cuz there cant not be one. ya know. once you find that horizon, aka something to live for or shoot for, then your life no longer feels pointless. so often we get stuck, so so so often. that horizon seems so far like the sunset. but you just have to know that its there to reach out for. even if it means getting burned to death in the process.

good book. read it. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.  Psalm 23:4

i think ive made an inward change for the good. i think. ive recently been wrestling with many things in my life and as cheesy as it sounds, searching for the meaning of life. even though it is very obvious what it is.

loving God. loving others. simple right?

you have to make a very concious effort to change if you want something to change and become a habit. if loving God is shown by loving others then isnt that what we are called to do? to love others? i have always been one to try and figure things out for myself. after failing so many times you would think i would finally get the picture. well i believe i have gotten the picture. after trying something for so long, i pretty much gave up. then i figured id just love. just love. its so simple. but so so hard at the same time. if you look at things with a positive outlook then more than likely youre gonna live a happier more joyful life.

so, positive ill be. i cant explain to you how hard it is to look into the face of temptation and hardship and depressing things and say 'im not gonna let you ruin me.not.' its so incredibly hard. for someone with a short string or short tempe,r this makes things 100000 times more difficult. when something happens the easy thing to do is blow up. to say something subtle that actually means something else maybe sarcastic just to make yourself feel like youve won. the feeling of thinking that you have won is one of the best and worse. right when you think youve 'won' it gets thrown back at you and you just know that whatever you just did or said was not right at all.

so why do it. if there is someone in your life that you cant get to or whatever. pray for them. pray until you see answers and results and then keep praying. this takes so much patience. then serve the person. the result of serving someone is that it softens their heart. its a humbling experience and there is no better feeling than letting go of yourself and your pride and making someones day. maybe you wont even see the outcome of your service, but you can have a peace in your heart that maybe you made a difference. then after doing those two things, there isnt more you can do but wait. God is at some kind of work in them and maybe youll never know whats going on, but you can know that you have done what God told you to do.

i realize i am rambling alot. noones reading this so i can.

learning this is a long process. having a positive outlook when you want to just be depressed is hard. but being down all the time has gotten me nowhere. God has a right to interupt my life. when i accepted Him as Lord that gave Him the right to do whatever He wanted with me. He gave me everything i have. all my talents and faults. what i do with them is my gift back to Him.

so if im called to love God and that is the sole purpose of me being created, then wouldnt it be pretty stupid of me to not love Him with everything i got. the relationship that He longs for is what i should long for. He wants me to be with Him. He is constantly pursuing me in a loving relationship. the only thing i should be doing is loving back. loving God equals loving others. ive heard it all my life, its time to actually do it.

just love.